Phoebe Hadas: conservationist, archivist, musician

Happy Ostara to those who celebrate!  It’s nearly here!  I’m really excited to have a weekend honoring the renewal of the Earth. ❤

Photo by Arno Smit on Unsplash.

I’m suffering from same scattered pattern as usual concerning my projects–I’m trying not to beat myself up about it but surely there’s something I can do to make myself more consistent with things in general.  There are a few good things about ADHD and how it makes my brain work, but it’s also very hard to manage sometimes.  I have a hyperfixation problem, but also suffer greatly from shifting routines (involuntary, generally on a 2-3 week basis) and “shiny new object” syndrome.  I’ve been on Strattera (dose raised a few times) for a couple of months but I still feel as flighty as ever.  Maybe there’s some improvement on general focus when I can get myself to do a task, and it’s a little easier to start tasks, but the larger pattern is the same.  

I don’t know what to do about it other than see if my psychiatrist will prescribe stimulants.  I was hoping the Strattera would do fine because I don’t really want to take stimulants if I don’t have to.  But I’m afraid I’ll have to.  I’ll never finish writing a book or do any project to the fullest at this rate, if I keep falling off every few weeks and then get hyperfixated on something new. I really need to figure out how to use the ‘shiny new object’ thing to my advantage, keep my projects exciting and novel. It seems like my brain hates proper routines.

For a while I was really into making music. That’s where this blog started.  I would make music every day and then my routine shifted and I started learning about witchcraft and getting back into writing my novels.  

Then, with my novels, I can never stay consistent with one project.  I keep switching projects, which normally wouldn’t be a problem except that whenever I get back to a certain project, I end up restarting it and ultimately that gets me nowhere in the larger scheme. For example, my novel “Empire of Angels” has had about 10 versions in the last few years.

I know some of this is unavoidable and no amount of medication can fix it.  I just wish I could figure out a way to work with it instead of fighting it.  I do have a better attitude about it than I used to.  I used to think I was hopeless.  My mom suffers with the same problem so I’m not surprised that I struggle with it too.  At least now I know it’s just what my brain does and it’s not my fault or some shortcoming of mine.  It’s just neurodivergency and comparing myself to people who don’t think the same way isn’t helpful.

I think what ends up happening is that I don’t have enough boundaries.  I get hyperfixated on something and then burn myself out after a couple weeks of unbelievably high intensity (for example, writing nearly 40,000 words of a novel in a couple of weeks).  My partner is on Adderall and gets very focused on chess (so much so that she got a draw in a game against Magnus Carlsen–I’m so proud of her!) but she has to take a few days off the stimulants here and there or else she’ll tire her body and brain out to incredible levels.  I think what I experience is like a ‘natural’ version of being on Adderall (when I’m in the fixation state) and so I run the risk of burning out.  

ADHD burnout is the worst feeling in the world.  To combat this, I need to set more limits on what I can do to use my energy in a more sustainable manner.  I was watching a video about ADHD and writing by Summer England and that was a big piece of advice she gave.  She sets timers for her productive episodes but doesn’t allow herself to exceed more than a certain number of sessions per day to avoid burnout and overstimulation in the rest of her life.  I think I need to lean on timers and discrete sessions more to keep things organized in my head and to help me with this tendency.  A bit of structure can go a long way, essentially.

I think for now, I’ll start with setting 30-60 minute timers and not allowing the number of sessions to exceed 3-4 depending on length.  If I keep track, that ought to help.  I’ll see how this setup works and adjust as needed for my energy levels as I go.

Hope everyone reading this has a good day~ do something kind for yourself today. Thanks for reading my rambles.

–P.H. 19 March 2026, 6:51 (E.T.)

2 responses

  1. Dr Banerjee Avatar
    Dr Banerjee

    The way you describe those hyperfixation waves crashing from one project to another rings painfully true for anyone who has ever chased a sound or a melody only to wake up weeks later realising the synth patches are gathering dust while something entirely new has taken over. That line about music being the thing for a while, enough to birth the blog, then quietly receding as witchcraft and novel revisions surged forward, captures the quiet grief of unfinished sonic worlds better than most explanations I have read. It is not failure so much as a brain wired for novelty over longevity, and admitting that without self-pity feels honest. The timer strategy for sustainable bursts makes practical sense; I wonder if it will help tether the attention back to sound-making when the next inevitable shift arrives. Either way, naming the pattern is already a small rebellion against letting it run unchecked.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Phoebe Hadas Avatar
      Phoebe Hadas

      Hello, thanks for your insights! I’m glad my rambles can resonate with people. I’m curious to see how the timer method will work; I’ll be sure to keep the blog updated as I try to figure out a system.

      It really is exhausting living this way but I’m convinced there’s a way to work with it instead of against it!

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