What Is Love?

I am a person with an abundance of love to give. This will be a rather vulnerable post to make because I know that not everyone will understand it, and that’s OK.

I am polyamorous. I’ve known for a few years, and this knowledge has taken immense pressure off me concerning romantic relationships. Before acknowledging this, I didn’t really let myself date for a while. I was confused and convinced I would spend the rest of my life alone with my cat(s). I was ready to accept that.

It wasn’t until R, one of my partners, introduced me to the concept of holding love in your heart for multiple people, provided they all know each other exist. Over time, our polycule has been expanded to five people. We are separated across land and space, yet we still maintain the relationship strong. I will see R for the first time in nine months this evening. I am beyond excited.

(The rocket hyperdrive kind of hurt his ear, but otherwise the trip went well.)

While our polycule is five, I am only in a relationship with three of them. That’s what can come across as a little confusing, and for someone who’s naturally monogamous (loving one person exclusively), it can seem like a lot to handle. Sometimes it is. But I do not regret the decisions I’ve made to get to the point I’m at now.

I am still learning about polyamory as I go through this experience, but I do find it helpful for me, as a person on the asexual and autistic spectra, to feel less pressure to compartmentalize.

I’ve always been the type to pursue serious relationships, not flings, and I like to be friends before escalating to a title of ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ and so on. But, as someone who doesn’t really experience attraction in the same way as most, I found it hard to separate ‘platonic’ love from ‘romantic’ love. I feel these two types of loves are very similar and even intertwined, which made it difficult to define things while also being asexual and definitely less conventional when it came to how I expressed deep love for others, romantic partners or not. I feel very deeply so when it was difficult to distinguish, I was afraid to do the wrong thing. Because of that, I avoided making any type of relationship with people in general, not just romantic ones.

It was a very lonely existence for a while.

This was combined with being in my early 20s at the time, constituting a very important phase of life where I was still finding myself and learning about myself through the lens of being an ‘adult’ in society’s eyes. I’ve been independent for my entire life, but my social skills were never well-developed in my formative years, so my early 20s was the ideal time to try to extend my horizons.

However, I didn’t really do so until I got into my relationship with R and realized that it’s okay if I didn’t know how to define it. All I had to do was be open and communicative with him, and we settled down fast into our new existence and our new closeness. For him, I am very grateful and indebted for having my life constructed the way it is now.

Despite the struggles, I really love life. The world around me is scary, loud, and sometimes cruel. But it’s also soft, beautiful, and kind–if I know where to look. I think my attitude towards love and relationships is reflected in my innate desire to see humanity as a beautiful thing rather than a wretched one. That was my choice and I will stand by that choice until I die because through the dark times, it’s one of the few things that will give me hope. I know that somewhere in all the mess and hatred, there are people who understand. I know there are people who are radically compassionate and kind and that gives me strength to keep going when the world feels like it’s closing in around me.

I express that love for humanity by holding multiple people in my heart equally. I have three partners, but I still have an overwhelming amount of love to go around. ❤

–P.H. 21 March 2026, 13:30 (E.T.)